My New Life in Davenport

On January 4, 2013 I made the 6.5 hour long move from Sioux Center to Davenport, Iowa. The first few days I did not really meet anyone besides the other people who would be working all over in Genesis. Then one day as I was about to leave for the grocery store I met my neighbor Tatiana, a middle aged woman who is divorced and teaches Spanish at Scott Community  College. The next day, through the grace of God, I found out that one of my friends (Sarah Vander Schaaf) has a childhood friend who lives the building down from me! Friday night (a week after I arrived to the date) I met Becca and her husband Sam along with their friends Mackenzie and Rev. Since then I have been introduced to MANY more of their friends, church, and attended their missional group (a super bible study like group) on Wednesday nights. It has been great to get plugged into a small group where I feel I can be 100% real and vulnerable if I need to be. I have already gained some pretty awesome friends and I’m excited to see how God continues to develop these relationships and bring new ones into being.

 Genesis

 A little history about Genesis...Genesis first was St. Lukes and Mercy Hospital…some of you may be saying why is this important? Well maybe it isn’t but to me it reminds me of home a little because in Sioux City there is a St. Lukes and Mercy Medical Center. It was originally started by some nuns and has continued to stick to its Catholic values and refrains from performing elective abortions. (HUGE plus) Genesis is the third largest employer in the Quad City area (John Deere is #1). It employs over 5,000 people and around 2,500 volunteers. It has 665 beds over the four main campuses.

I am currently working on the pediatric/adult surgical unit. It is a 16 bed unit that is designated for sick kids and we also take “easy” surgical procedures such as hysterectomy or mastectomies that require little risk to having complications even though there is a risk for complications with every surgery.

This is my second full week on the floor and I’m already pretty much handling a full patient load with some assistance with some things like IV’s and orders/phone calls from doctors. I successfully started my first IV attempt on a child, managed to get blood splattered in the face while discontinuing an IV and get to do the routine HIV testing,  got yelled at by a doctor but have also had many positive interactions with doctors, caught a patient from receiving too much blood pressure medication due to having a low pulse rate as it was not indicated in the medication record to hold if pulse was under 60, and I also had to run home quickly after arriving at work to find I did not have my badge. 

I absolutely love my job though. I have seen a few developmentally delayed kids and out of the few different people in the room they lock eyes with me and just stare into my eyes as if I have something special to me. I hope and pray that God’s love and compassion for them is shining through me. You can just feel God’s presence when they hug you while you try to somehow listen to their lungs, heart, and bowel sounds while they cling to you. It’s the hugs that I need during the day to remind me to stop getting wrapped up into the things that need to be done in the next few hours and just love on the people I am called to serve. I also need to become better at stopping by the door of the child’s room and praying for them. God has and can do so many things through prayer and many times throughout my day I rely on the medicine to make the child’s lung function to improve or the antibiotic to cure the infection and forget about the ultimate Healer.

Another thing you can be in prayer for is for me to find ways to minister to the families that have no faith. I have done a few admission histories (aka asking the family a lot of questions about the symptoms leading up to their stay in the hospital, previous illnesses, ect.) and when I get to the question would you like a chaplain, church, or pastor to be notified for support the answer has always been ‘no.’ My heart physically feels like it is breaking inside while I must remain composed and continue to ask the questions, but really I want to yell out “YOU NEED JESUS!!” I have been feeling really convicted/like I need to do something about this, but do not really know how to. 

"Every fear has no place against YOUR great name"-Max Lucado

This is something that I have been trying to learn the last month..giving up every fear. I was reading through "Fearless" on my way back from the Hastings football game (NW won in case you wanted to know :) ) and came across a thought provoking statement in the book..."Storms are not an option, but fear is." It made me think of my friend's family as her dad was just diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in the abdomen. With so much uncertainty and questions could I face this storm without fear if I was in their place? Then I was reminded of when Peter was walking on the water in Matthew 14. He was walking perfectly fine until a gust of wind came along and he took his eyes off of Jesus in the distance and began to lose trust in Jesus. Jesus reached out to him and caught him saying "you of little faith, why did you doubt him?" I have had a lot of fear over the last few weeks with loan repayment coming up VERY soon and still no nursing job. I have been very discourage with the hunt for a job and have been really sick of filling out applications. I was challenged to check my attitude against the fruits of the spirit which has helped a little to remind myself of the things I should be thankful for but also a challenge to find the joy and peace. The fears of never getting a job, of becoming a nurse, were consuming me. Then again it is told best in the novel Life of Pi, 

I must say a word about fear. It is life's only true opponent. Only fear can defeat life. It is clever, treacherous adversary, how well I know. It has no decency, respects no law or convention, shows no mercy. It goes for your weakest spot, which it finds with unerring ease. It begins in your mind, always. One moment you are feeling calm, self-possessed, happy. Then fear slips into your mind like a spy.

But we need to expose our fears, say them out loud because they lose power when we disrobe them. So that is what I am attempting to do. Hang my fears out to dry so the whole world knows. 

Abba,

You have given me a heart for your people.
I want to use the gifts you've given me to help others.
Show me where and how you want me to help others and take the fear of failure away.
Give me a hospital, a specific unit, a specific population you want me to serve.

Here's a song by Meredith Andrews to meditate on this week. 

Thankfulness

I have loved the song 10,000 Reasons (posted above if you have never heard it before or if you need a reminder of how awesome it is)  since the day I first heard it. When I went to Willow Creek with Mike this summer we were all encouraged to write three things that we were thankful for . Of course being the overachiever I am, I made a large list, but then people came around and gathered them. They then place them on stage where there were more than 10000 reasons  to praise God. It was an amazing site but I have failed once again to continue this thankfulness  It has been more difficult to be thankful  and happy with what I do have because I feel a loss of independence, don't have a nursing job, I'm not living where I want, I feel like I don't have very many if any girlfriends I can be completely open with or have deep conversations with about God and his greatness. I don't want to begin to have a deep conversation with some potential people that I haven been able to get to know deeply in the past because I know I'm leaving soon. But I have SOO much! I have a job at Hope Haven right now, I have food, but most importantly I have a God who loves and provides for me. I love the freedom to be able to talk about my faith openly whereas other Christians around the world do not have this freedom. Another thing that I take for granted is graduating college. I believe I am the first person in my family to get a Bachelor's degree. This is not a small accomplishment, but often times I make it smaller than it really is. I need to be more thankful for the wisdom that God gave me.

Update on the job search...the interview I had about a week and a half ago I felt went really well, but at the end of the interview was a time where I could ask questions. I found out they perform abortions at this hospital and knew right away that even though I would be working in ICU, I could not support a hospital that performs abortions so I declined the job. It actually was easier to turn down the job than I thought it would be despite it being one of the jobs I would love to have one day. I'm still waiting on the IL licenses

New things

The last few weeks I have encountered new things.

I went to my first Twins game at Target field with Mike on September 16. We were going to go to North Dakota that day since neither one of us has ever been to ND before but instead we went to the Twins vs. Sox game...Mike is a HUGE Sox fan so couldn't pass up the possibility. Wish the Twins had won..

Mike taught me how to kick a football the other night. It's a lot harder than it looks!

Friday I have my first interview for a nursing job! It's for a position as an ICU nurse in Milwaukee. Even if I don't get the job it still will be good practice. 

My youngest sister might have her first boyfriend. I'm not sure how I feel about this since I'm pretty protective of her and I have not met the guy yet. She gave Mike an application to fill out when we first started dating as a joke so maybe I'll have to return the favor :)

I also have been wrestling with more things spiritually. I really am excited to get a job and to be able to volunteer in a larger city, but what are some things that I can do here? I have an abundance of warm clothing I don't want anymore so why not give them to an organization who can distribute these to people who really need them. I sometimes forget that even in small towns there is poverty. Also I have had more questions about spiritual warfare and what this really means.

Nursing?

I have been to Africa twice now. Both times were very impacting in different ways. My experiences in Senegal were filled with seeing patients from babies to old men. It mostly based around providing medical attention to villages that had not received medical care ever. It also was about establishing connections for a mission organization to enter into later after we left. Uganda...all about loving on people. I was able to help in  the clinic there everyday, but it was the people that I will never forget. I miss the little kiddos running to the gate everyday to greet us yelling "Mzungu" I miss their little smiles. I miss talking with the teachers and them talking about my long, blond hair. I have struggled with wondering if this is God calling me back there. While I was struggling with this, my friend Stacy told me she would be stopping there on her way to Rwanda where she would be teaching for year. I kind of was jealous at first that God was calling her back to Africa so soon and for so long. However, after talking to some missionary nurses I realized the best thing to do right now is to practice in the States for awhile before going back to do nursing. I was able to read Stacy's blog of her week at Smile yesterday and it made me miss the people at Smile once again, but I was also given peace that one day I would return to see the kids again but right now I need to be satisfied with where God has me. I really feel as if God is going to use me to make a difference...even if that is only in one person's life. I have so many passions related to helping others that it is hard to figure out the one thing I would be best at. I'd love to help with providing clean water to the people in Africa. I would love to provide free/low cost healthcare to single parents and low income families. Teen girls in general interest me whether its pregnancy, counseling after assaults or rapes, anorexia, purity, or suicide prevention I would love to help girls to have a brighter future and to heal from the lies of the world. I also would love to help high school students who are getting caught up in gangs and crime to find more positive things to do after school than to hang around in the streets. There are so many other dreams and aspirations that I have, but the biggest question I have is..how does nursing play into these dreams? Why am I nurse (weird not to have student behind that!)? My education at Northwestern has provided me with an open mind to all these issues so I do not feel as if my schooling has gone to waste if I do not use my nursing ever, but it would be nice to do something with the degree I have. Is nursing for me?

Home

I left Entebbe, Uganda at 11:30pm on August 11^th with Dani. We had a 10 hour flight to Amsterdam were we split ways. Since I’m 100% Dutch and live in a Dutch community I bought tulip bulbs for my mother while I was in the Amsterdam airport. As I was about to board the plane to the United States from Amsterdam, the lady at the security checkpoint could  tell I was wearing a money belt. She made me take everything out of the belt AND padded me down where the belt was located.  Do they really think I’m going to put a bomb in my underwear?! It was not a pleasant experience. I landed in Sioux Falls, SD on the 12^th at 4:30pm to my family and grandparents. They were more than happy to see me step off the plane into familiar territory. The 13^th of August I spent my day washing clothes/unpacking,  saying good bye to a friend who is going to Nigeria for 9 months, and moving some things back to college. The morning of the 14^th I started my senior year of college with a campus ministry retreat. Saturday and Sunday were very hard for me. I had to hold back (or try to hold back) tears many times throughout the day. Monday was a little bit better because we had 8 hours of solitude. This was the first time I had ever practiced solitude. It was great at first but towards the end it seemed to drag on. I thought things were better after the retreat until I was given many tasks to complete and things to think about in the following few days. I did not really have times when I thought I was going to fall asleep or were incredibly tired while returning, but for about a week and a half after returning I felt as if I just could not think. So I became frustrated by the tasks that were set before me and became selfish thinking “why cant I spend this time with my family?” “God, why is American culture like this..filled with busyness?” “Doesn’t anyone realize this is more than I can handle?” I then realized that even though we were talking about God the entire week, I was lacking the personal time with God. Then it was difficult (and still is) not to get frustrated that we were given so many tasks to complete that we didn’t have a lot of time for God. Some days while in Uganda I would have 3 or more hours with just God..then coming back to a culture where I’m forcing my time with God into eating breakfast became hard. My heart longed for the quality time with God and God alone. Last Thursday I went to prayer and praise service (Harp & Bowl) and for the first time since getting back, God and I had some devoted, uninterrupted alone time…and I weeped to the point I had to got to the bathroom I was sobbing so much. After talking to my friend Beth we talked with my old math teacher and he encouraged me to take part in a spiritual internship this semester which will include a meeting, bible study, prayer time, and helping the hurting in the community each week. He (and I also) thought it would be a great transition back into the American culture and would allow me to apply some of the things I learned in Uganda back here to the states. The next day (the 26^th) I left with a bunch of people from my school on a debriefing retreat to reflect and discuss how our summers around the world were. It was great to talk about everything but it made me miss Stacy (who is in Tanzania student teaching) and the kids so much. When I look at the pictures of the kids I still cry…I can’t explain how much joy these kids brought to my life each day and how much I miss their smiles and laughter. Yes the first couple weeks back have been difficult at times and I’m sure I will continue to face the “why?” questions, but I have seen God’s faithfulness and love every step of the way. In fact, many days I fall more and more in love with God through the time I have with Him. Sometimes it has been difficult to be on a campus where almost everyone is in a relationship, but I have grown and will continue to grow so much closer to God this next year that I am embracing the extra time I get with Him since I am single right now.  A verse that has really stuck out to me in the last week is 2 Corinthians 4: 8-12.

                “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake so that his lfe may be revealed in our moral body. So the, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.”

Ahh…just thinking how we each carry around a little bit of Jesus in us so that He can be shown to others is just so cool to think about, and how because He died he can be revealed through us. It reminds me of the lyrics by Gungor “You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things out of us.”  Are you allowing God to make beautiful things out of your life?

I am excited to see what the future holds even though I do not know the plans the Lord has for me, but I know His plans are always the best plans.....for those of you in NW Iowa check out the article on my trip in 9/3 edition of the NW Iowa Review!

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me along the way.

Prayer Requests:

For Stacy(student teaching in Tanzania) and Meghann (at Smile until December)

Me not to get frustrated about the little things especially with a classmate who makes very rude, unnecessary comments at times

To be able to forgive those who have hurt me in the past

God would reveal his future for me in HIs time

Our Last Week at Smile Africa..

A team of 4 college students and a lady by the name of Lynn arrived on Monday from the United Kingdom. They will  be here until August 24 when they will go on a safari and then return home. It has been good to get to know them this past week but stinks we can’t build too deep of relationships with them. This week at Smile was a little frustrating at times. Monday-Thursday there was a team from New York who put on a bible school for the kids. On Monday one of the girls (who was only a freshman in high school) said to me “how can you stand having all these dirty kids crawl on you?” I tried to explain to her that every time a kid full of poop comes up to me I just remember that every day we come to God full of sin which stinks worse than poop. She was happy that I had that outlook but still said she could not stand the kids right then. The entire team got frustrated really easily on Monday and Tuesday when things did not go as planned. There also was a large group of people from Hope for Kids at Smile for Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. They really loved on the kids and were not afraid to hold the kids which I was really happy to see. However, when they got into the clinic they poured hand sanitizer on their hands and rubbed it all the way up their arms in front of the staff and kids. These two interactions along with another conversation that I had with two Americans who were staying at the same hotel as us made me so thankful for the training Northwestern and AIM provided for us, but also made me disgusted to be called an American. These kids need SO much love and the Americans were more concerned about getting dirty or catching a fungus from the kids. What impression does this leave with children about Christianity? It just really bothered me all week.  On a funny note, it was the most mzugus (white people) I have seen in the last two months which was almost overwhelming. Kind of afraid to think about what Amsterdam will be like.

Baby Sam! He will be 4 months old tomorrow :)

Eric had malaria this week and we think he has a UTI because his urine was orange-brown and smelled horrible.  He also got shots for the UTI in the butt Wednesday-Saturday in which I held him while he received them. Surprisingly he did not hate me for this.  He took a nap on me on Wednesday morning. It was a great bonding experience and made me feel like he can trust me. The lady who works in the baby room also asked him if I was his mama and he shook his little head yes. It made my day that I could have influenced his life in a positive way. His birth mother left him when he was 4 months old and his step mother beat him.  Pastor Ruth also told me that when his dad was leaving Smile to drop off Eric his dad told her a burden was just lifted off his shoulders. Eric has probably never been shown love until about a month ago. You can still see it on his face lots of times but every time he smiles it lightens up my day. Definitely going to miss his little smile and laugh.

the little guy full of smiles for me despite being ill...this is before he got his shot for the day ;)

Last week and this week I did not spend a whole lot of time in the clinic because I wanted to spend my last few weeks playing with the kids. It really has been enjoyable to play “Double double this this, double double that that” with the girls and to just hold some of the smaller ones. I am going to miss the kids so much!

We ended up not going to the prison that has 400 inmates in it due to scheduling problems and we ran out of time. However we did go to another prison which had 31 inmates. We talked about the armor of God again and shared our testimonies with the inmates. We also got to see where the men sleep. It was just a large room with about 10 straw mats laying out. The warden was asking if this how the prisons in America were. We said shared with them if the rooms were like this in America that more people would be dead because of the fighting and raping that goes on in the prisons. They were shocked and said we need more discipline in our prisons.

Ugandan sky on the way back from prison ministry

One of the men at Smile has a brother who paints machetes so we ordered a few with drawings on them. We were retuning back to the hotel with them and one of the workers asked what we were going to do with them and to see them. We shared with him that we would display them for decoration. He questioned us as to whether it would be used in a fight. We assured him they would not be in used in a harmful way. Then he questioned us “well what if your mother and father get into a fight and begin to beat each other then stab the other one?” Dani and I shared with them that in America people do not beat their wives and if they do they go to prison. It led to a fairly long discussion about marriages in America and our parents’ marriages as Christians. In Uganda, the men have many wives. If a wife cannot reproduce after a few years he will take a different wife who can give him children. I shared with him how a few couples in my church have not been able to have kids and choose to adopt. Then God blessed them with a child of their own. We talked about Abraham and Sarah and how long they waited for Isaac’s birth. It was great to see how God can use us in even the small ways.

Tonight we are going to have a water fight with the kids, eat some cake, and probably watch Tangled.  It will be interesting to see if they kids like the cake because the only cake we have had here has tasted similar to dry carrot cake with raisins. Many  of the things we have shared with the Ugandan people have been too sweet for them.

Dry chicken chilli...so good! Even though it made me sick later it definately will be missed!

Pray requests:

The next week…it is going to be a difficult week with saying good bye to everyone at Smile, Thursday our plane does not leave until 11:30pm and Dani and I have about 8 hours to just chill in Entebee, Friday I will have a 3 hour lay over in Minneapolis which will be difficult since I am so close to home!

Return home…pray for easy transition back into the busy American lifestyle, I can have a positive attitude on the campus ministry retreat, and my stomach can handle American food

Pray that we can continue to use the things God has taught us in the last 2 months in our daily lives.

Pray that we may not forget the last two months in Uganda and the people we have met.

Pray for Smile…there are so many needs at smile…staff who want to be there every day, financial needs for the clinic and baby room, and many other needs!

10 hardest things to adjust to back in America:

10. Driving on the right side of the road instead of the left
9. Using water out of faucet instead of water bottles to brush our teeth
8. Eating something other than toast for breakfast
7. The power and water always being on...ok that wont be hard
6. The peace and quiet outside instead of music blaring from 9:30pm-1ish every night...I cant fall asleep without noise now
5. Using a cell phone everyday...amazingly this will be hard
4. Going to bed after 10pm and staying asleep past 7am
3. The food in general
2. Being on time
1. Flushing the toilet after every use

In one week I will be home!! Thanks for all your prayers and support. I am going to miss Uganda very much but I am definately looking forward to seeing everyone.